I Have a Calling that's Been Calling...Time to Pick Up!

I was going to wait until I had something concrete lined up before I revealed this, but perhaps, putting it out into the universe will somehow speed up the process.

The more I listen to my inner voice, the more I recognize my passions, the more I observe what makes my spirit glow from the inside out, the more I know I need to surrender, the more I know I need to stop talking.

Sure, it may not be the right time. There may be a million reasons why not. But I simply cannot deny it anymore.

After my varsity diving days ended, and in the midst of my new love-affair with yoga, I taught competitive springboard diving to a team of girls (and one boy) aged 10 - 16, three times a week for two years. Diving may be a sport, and you certainly need physical strength, flexibility and grace, but, as I have been told many times, it is one of the most mental sports out there.

Trying to teach a bunch of emotional, neurotic and overly dramatic youths one of the most mental sports out there posed a bit of a challenge for me. Our brains don't fully develop until our twenties, so I certainly don't blame them. I adored them all. But man, talk about having to confront serious fear-issues. To make it worse, I didn't have the top level over-achieving youths hell bent on being national champions. I had the semi-serious in-betweeners. The wishy washy ones.

The more I learned about yoga and "eastern thought", the more I incorporated meditation and yogic philosophy into my coaching. I infused some yoga poses into our warm-up, and after would lead the group to a quiet place and we did deep breathing exercises and guided meditations.

I remember retelling them a parable I had just read in a book by Ram Dass. It was about a carriage driver who all his life had been driving the carriage wherever he wanted. He never had a destination, and drove chaotically all around. The King sat inside the whole time not caring where they went.

One day the King decided he wanted to take back control of his royal carriage. The King finally decided on a destination. The King and the carriage driver fought and fought. The carriage driver had wrongly assumed he was in charge all this time and didn't want to give up control. Eventually, the King won, after all, it was his carriage. The King was then able to use the carriage driver to get where he wanted to go.

The carriage driver is like our mind. We walk around thinking that our mind is in control. The mind flips this way and that way. In reality, it is the King who is in control. The King represents our True Self, our divine nature, or whatever you want to call it. It is our deep inner Self that controls the mind, and not vice versa. It may take a while to calm the mind and take control back - the mind will go wild! But once the True Self regains control, it then has the ability to turn the mind off and on at will, and then use the mind to drive the Soul where it really needs to go.

"But I keep having thoughts that I am going to smack," said one of my ten-year-old students waiting on the end of the diving board. She was attempting yet another back dive tuck which she's done well loads of time.

"You are not your mind," I tell her, reiterating our past lessons about the mind verses Self.  "Your mind will have lots of thoughts," I say, "good ones and bad ones. They are all just thoughts. You don't have to listen to them. Use your mind as a tool." 

She looks relieved. "In the end, you control your mind," I say. "Now go use your mind to focus on jumping up straight and lifting your arms like we've been working on." She steps back out onto the diving board, focuses, and does a lovely dive.

I know for a fact, if I was introduced to yoga and meditation as a child or youth, I would have been a far better diver. Perhaps it is karma, but I was a total head-case of a teen diver and it held me back for many years. Then later in my varsity days I let my nerves and my mental mush get to me during the 3.5 seconds it takes to preform a dive that I had practiced, literally, hundreds of times.

Beyond diving though, often I look back and wish I had the skills as a youth that I have learned in yoga. Yoga would of helped me to stay centered amongst the stress and chaos of growing up. Yoga would have helped me to connect to my deeper authentic self, instead of getting caught up in external pressures of society and peers. Yoga would have helped me stay more true to myself and honor my feelings in such a confusing coming-to-age time. Yoga would of been my peace and refuge; a safe nurturing place where I knew I could always return.

It was only when I started to practice yoga after college, that it finally became my salvation in the vast ever-changing "real-world" as I attempted to navigate my place in it. Yoga has helped me find my path that feels oh so good and whole to me.

Even the research confirms my assumptions. It shows that yoga and meditation teach tools to help young people do better in school, reduce the anger and violence, experience peace within, rekindle hope for the future, and become positive contributing members of our society.

I loved coaching those crazy pre-teens and teens. It warmed my heart. I loved their passion, their exhurberence, their innocence, and their bright spirits. I loved seeing them grow and evolve. I love knowing I taught them more, so much more than just a hand-full of dives. Plus, I think it is important to have real-life positive role-models. There are already far to many enough fake role-models living ideals that will lead teens away from their unique True Self.

For all these reasons, and more, I feel called (and I don't use that world lightly) to teach youths yoga. It has been something I have been wanting to do since my coaching days. I really didn't like the competitive element in diving. Right now I teach yoga to younger children, which I love too. But I really want to reach out to the age-group who I know needs "the mental" part of yoga the most.

In fact, this summer I hope to lead a two-week summer camp - where one week is for pre-teens and one week for teens. It will be yoga-based but also incorporate creative elements and other philosophies. Hmm, maybe I will reach out to the local gymnastic and diving clubs.

Here is to waking up to ones "calling," and hoping it doesn't have to stay on the back burner for much longer.

Got Grovia, Will Travel

On our third road trip with our four month-old, we have successfully completed a three day journey, yes that is 72 hours, exclusively cloth diapering away from home. And let me tell you, it was easy. As easy as cloth diapering at home really.

The first road trip when she was a wee three-weeks-old was over Thanksgiving week. I was tired and new to cloth diapering, and not up for the challenge of messing with it while at the in-laws for four long days. I didn't think I had enough to get me though the four days. Plus, I think I was too tired, foggy, and busy to even care.

Our next three day road trip over Christmas we ended up cloth diapering, but used biodegradable disposable inserts. The inserts went into the garbage, however, and I didn't like the feeling of adding to environmental waste.

This trip, I decided to just go for it. Here is how I managed to cloth diaper for 72 hours away from home:

1. Loaded my big (clean) diaper wet bag full of Grovia covers and inserts.

2. Loaded my diaper bag as usual for day outings with a couple covers, few inserts, cloth wipes, spray bottle (for cleaning up the poo), and small travel wet bag.

3. Put baby in fresh diaper and away we go!

4. Change baby #1 after three hours into a 4.5 hour drive, putting wet diaper in small wet bag. Note: she slept the first three hours. Diaper was wet, but didn't leak.

5. After arriving at destination, took out all items in big wet bag and piled them in new temporary diaper changing area.

6. Moved all dirty diapers and dirty cloth wipes to big wet bag.

7. Loaded up diaper bag as usual for daily outings. Transferred dirty diapers in small wet bag into big one at end of day.

That is pretty much it. She only pooped once, and that one was wrapped up tight in the cover. I was worried it might smell so I put it in a plastic bag and then stored it in the wet bag.

We just got home and I emptied the contents of the big wet bag into our washer, including the wet bag, and prewashed, then laundered as usual. Diapers are hung out and drying now.

Here is a run down of what I ended up using:

     - 5 Grovia covers

     - 16 cloth inserts
     - 3 cloth wipes
     - 3 biodegradable disposable inserts.

I brought more covers than I needed, but you never know when you might get leaks, especially in the poo department. I am a pretty new Grovia cover user, and I wasn't overly confident. However, from my trip, I can say I am very confident with Grovia now. It only let me down once, and that I believe was just user error. My husband attempted a snap cover, followed by a feeding in bed where she leaked out the side.

I am really loving the Grovia covers. They really do lock the wetness in, even overnight. The covers, for the most part, don't even get wet and I can just switch out the insert. Poo is a little different. Since my dd is exclusively breast fed, her poops are quite liquid and I have to change out the cover with the insert. BUT I rarely have had poo get on her outfit.

I am surprised it wasn't any harder than normal or inconvenient. I am confident I will continue to CD while on trips. I love not creating more waste for the environment and feel better knowing what I am putting next to my baby's skin.

Hello In There! Are You There?

Have you ever looked up from your daily routine and wondered, "wait a second, where did I go?" Maybe you were chasing children around all day, or busy working hard in order to "be" someone, or perhaps you just got carried away trying to please everybody but yourself. Maybe you were just plain distracted. Whatever the case, it is so easy to loose that connection to our most authentic self.

It is exactly this connection to our most authentic self, our deep passionate core, that is the single most important connection we can cultivate in this lifetime.  How else are we supposed to know what we want in life? How else are we supposed to leave our legacy for our children and show them how to be happy?

The problem is that we get busy. The problem is that it takes work. The problem is are complex human beings that evolve and transform, and it is hard to keep up!

For all these reasons, and more, we deny ourselves the attention and food we need to really thrive. When we thrive, we inspire others. By not connecting to our authentic self, we cannot reach our utmost potential.

But what can you do?

1- For starters, try taking time each day to "do nothing." Even five minutes. Just sit, or stand, and just breathe. Clear your head. Find a quiet moment, and just tune into yourself and listen. It is okay to hear nothing. Silence is good.

Go outside and breathe in fresh air.

Lock yourself in the bathroom stall at work, and be quiet for a moment. Stop thinking, and breathe.

With your kids safely preoccupied, lock yourself in your bathroom at home, and breathe.

Thoughts will come. Label thoughts as "thinking" and go back to your breath.

The key is to just do it. Just do nothing. And do it every single day.

2 - Through out the day, check into your body. Notice how your body is feeling. Where are you feeling more sensation? What does the area around your heart feel like? Try to become fully present in your body.

Do not judge or criticize. Just observe; take notice. Whatever you feel, allow yourself to connect with the sensation. Do not push it away or crave more of it. Just let it be what it is. Honor your body.

3 - Notice what brings you great joy. Perhaps there are things you do throughout the day that bring you joy. If there isn't anything that brings you joy though out your day, then seek out things that do. It could be as simple as burning a scented candle, or watching the birds out your window.

The key here is to find ways to incorporate these things into your life on a regular basis.

4- Try New Things. One sure fire way to get yourself out of a funk is to try new things. How else are you going to know all your like, loves or dislikes.

5- Visual Reminders. A great way to connect to your inner self is to find visual reminders of things that really "resonate" to you.  Make a collage with these images, set up a corner in a room for them, or start a blog or a journal. The visuals can be of people that make you smile, words or quotes that you love, colors or symbols, images or trinkets.

6 - Indulge in your Passions. Need I say more?

***

I started this blog as a "visual and verbal" reminder to myself of the ways I am (or trying to) connecting to my own authentic self. It has helped me contemplate the ways I find joy and peace in my life, as well as helped me connect to my passion of writing. Already things are "falling into place" and I am able to see more clearly the paths I want to take in this life.

I made a deeper commitment to myself after my second child was born four months ago. I didn't want to wake up in a year or two and realize I lost myself in poopy diapers, patty cake, and an obsession for the best organic baby food. Instead, I wanted to be a living, breathing example of the passionate, sharp-minded, quick-witted, compassionate, loving  and thoughtful woman that I knew I could be. I didn't just want to tell my children how they should live their lives. I wanted to show them.

To do this, I had to find a way to stay tuned into my true self. For me it meant yoga, meditation, and reconnecting to my joys and passions in life.

It has taken time and perserverence. Connecting to my inner-self is a daily effort that has required discipline. Some days I fail. Some days I am too busy teaching, or parenting, or uncluttering, or I am completely frazzled. But I always seem to pick myself up, and try again. Even if it is just simply plunking myself down on the living room floor, amongst the scattered toys and ignoring the dirty dishes long enough to get a few deep glorious breaths in.

After all, don't I owe it to myself? Don't I owe to it my husband and my children to be the best me I can be? Don't I owe it to my friends to be the best friend I can be? Yeah, I hope so!